with age comes…

It has occurred to me lately that I am something of a slacker. Ok, granted this isn’t really a shocking relevation, and I’m sure of no big surprise to anyone who reads this blog, but still…it’s something about me that is definitely different. 

I was always a go-getter in college, and before. I always used to have that annoying trait that I had to do everything bigger and better than everyone else. I’ve always been a really good student. Not a great one, but always at least markedly better than average. In college, a semester after starting my CS degree, I landed a really good job putting it to use. I kept getting the best jobs, and by the time I graduated, I had a large selection of jobs to choose from [though it’s probably worth remembering, that I didn’t take the job that offered me the most money – I took the job that offered me the shortest work week, because I was pretty well worn out by that time…hmm…]. But for all of that, I worked really really hard for it. 

And getting into vet school? Not to be all pain-olympics-y about it, but I really don’t know who has worked harder. Two jobs, classes, volunteering. I mean, really, for two years I only slept five nights a week! It was because I had too – I had to compensate for my lackluster GPA. It was also just because it was the only way I knew how to do it.

And then I got to vet school. And I was exhausted. And I still worked really hard, but in time realized that putting in more effort past a certain point didn’t add up to greater return. And I was fine with that. 

But now, the end is near. In a good way. And it seems like I should be preparing for the best externships, researching the most competitive internships, carving out my path. At least I should be researching potential clinics I might be interested in working for. SOMETHING,  I should be doing something, right? 

Eight years ago, I would have. I would have had it all planned out, the externships, the internships I’d choose for the match, the recommendation requests, etc. My backup plans would have had backup plans.  It would have been as ferocious as possible, and it would have been excellent. It would have made me really great. 

Do you want to know what my plan is now? My plan is to find a good job with really good people in a progressive and smart practice with at least three vets. And ideally, really (feminists look away), I want to settle down, get married, have a kid or two, and have a really nice life. 

Still, I bristle at my own thinking that I’m not pushing hard enough. It’s definitely possible. Perhaps it is even likely, that I burned out before the race actually got started. But there is another possibility – that I’m just getting smarter. Maybe I’ve finally figured out that my path to being an excellent vet doesn’t have to be the most difficult, exhuasting path that I can come up with? 

Maybe. Maybe I’m a bit delusional.

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3 thoughts on “with age comes…

  1. Linda

    Some delusions can be healthy. Really, what is more likely, is that you realized that you are enough. You have less to prove mostly to yourself than anyone else. You have a view of your own future, not the visions of someone else that you may have been buying into at some point. This lack of angst and anxiety is because you are actually inching up on the place you worked so hard to get to and you know if you kept on going the way you were, you might have overshot your goal. You’re fantastic. Just get used to it. 🙂

  2. Cleo

    Just wanted to say that I love your blog and can totally sympathize! (best pre-vet blog out there IMO) I was totally anal at my ivy league undergrad, worked my ass of to go to PennVet next year (Class of 2013!) but now, I hear all of this talk of residencies, internships, specializing in 23235 things, never sleeping again, making lots of $$$, and it just makes me tired. Maybe it’s because I’m working at a lab and living back at home for the year (gasp!) but quality of life has just become much more important than looking back and realizing I “won” at everything but have no happiness to show for it. Then again, I severely hope I can recover enough of my motivation (right now just trying not to get fired…) to compete with my specializing giddy Ivy-league obsessed classmates next year, mostly fresh out of college. There is life out of school…I too hope to settle down and have kids and have a great fulfilling job I’ll start before 45, before my eggs expire and I need to have octuplets. And no I don’t think you have to be a micro exotic neuro surgeon to love life and feel really blessed at the end of the day and get a sense of satisfaction. Sometimes we don’t realize how short life is. Best of luck! I love your blog! Although I’m terrorized of next fall…but also excited 🙂 Humor and humanity and underrated! 🙂

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