24 September 2010
holy rollercoaster
Today was a seriously awesome day.
But first, let me tell you about earlier in the week. When I fell asleep standing up and when I cried more than I ever have really, EVER.
Because, I want to be honest with you: this starting a new business thing is not for weanies. Things have gone as well for me as they possibly could have, but still, it has been really, really hard. The pressure is rather immense at times. And it hit me particularly hard earlier in the week as I was compiling my first inventory order, and the list, and total amount due, kept growing, and growing, and growing. I was awash in uncertainty and insecurity and doubt. Very unpleasant and smelly.
And all of a sudden it hit me, what a huge risk it all was. It’s not just the money, though that is is of course alarming. I basically doubled my already considerable debt to take this on. More alarming than that, though, is my professional livelihood. If I fail at this, how does that bode for my future as a veterinarian?
Those were dark days.
But that too, passed.
I’m not sure what happened. The inventory started to arrive by Wednesday. It was great fun unpacking it, and starting to organized things, and maybe that is what re-instilled my confidence, seeing that I actually had a good, appropriate pile of stuff to get started with.
And since Wednesday, I have felt good, and continue to feel good.
And today? Guess what I got to do today? Today, FINALLY, I got to be a veterinarian. I had my first appointment.
Remember that scene in the Charlie Brown Christmas Special when Lucy, as the therapist, is listing off a bunch of phobias that Charlie Brown might have and when she gets to pantophobia (the fear of everything), he shouts “That’s it!!!” and Lucy goes flying backwards?
Last night I had my “That’s it!!!” moment. It was the moment that I realized that all of this – the business plan writing, the haggling over the building, the planning on loans, the buying of equipment, the painting, the cleaning, the organizing and even ordering the inventory, were just a means to an end, and that end is that I get to be a veterinarian, and I LOVE being a veterinarian. Oh, and by the way, I also get to own my own veterinary clinic, and while I’m not yet sure that I’ll actually LOVE that whole mess, it is the lifestyle at least that I wanted.
Because today I got to talk to an owner and coo over her dog; listen to the dog’s history, perform a complete physical exam, come up with a diagnosis and a treatment plan. I got to meet someone new and share a love of animals. Not incidentally, I even got paid for my services.
Today I got to be a veterinarian. And that’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
unavocis said,
24 September 2010 at 9:26 pm
Wow. I just found your blog TODAY and in reading this post, felt a rush of excitement, some envy, and also a sense of peace wash over me.
Excitement, feeling like I can live vicariously through you and your bliss as you begin your dream of having your own practice.
Envy, because, as a pre-veterinary student who has only just begun her pre-reqs, and with a string of academic credentials in anything BUT the hard sciences, you are where I’d like to be in a few years.
And peace, because the more I read blogs like yours, read about vet students’ (and grads’) experiences and joys and sorrows in school and in the profession, my heart becomes more and more at peace because it knows it is on its way home.
I consider myself lucky to have found your blog. I can’t wait for the day when I’m able to comment here, again, and tell you about MY first patient.
Until then, reading posts like this will have to do
Holly said,
24 September 2010 at 11:21 pm
*jumps up and down*
Oooo and Ooooo again! This is great, it’s far better to be me, as the worry would so crush me, but I don’t have to worry about all the hard stuff. All I have to do is watch you build this up.
I have never met you, but *voice drops to whisper* IAMSOEXCITEDFORYOU! This is going to be a GRAND adventure!
eccdvm said,
25 September 2010 at 12:10 pm
I’m so glad you have reached that point. This is something rather wonderful about getting to do what you love AND make a difference in the world at the same time. Congrats on really being a vet!
Elizabeth and The Lab Crew said,
26 September 2010 at 5:34 pm
Any new business takes lots of hard work to get it off the grond and keep it going.. But think of how much better it is for you that you LOVE what you do.. Make sure you start a memories box, tuck all those little thank you notes and take pictures of those special animals and put them in the box as well, so you have them to pull out when you feel down.. it will help you remember why you do what you do..
Beat that, 2011. « What Comes Next said,
31 December 2010 at 1:24 pm
[...] many, many, many documents to borrow a lot of money. Bought a building. Bought a lot of stuff. Came this close to a nervous breakdown. Opened a vet [...]